As I mention in the healing part of this website, I have worked with this amazing woman, Jessica Hesser, aka @mantrasandmiracles, on deep nervous system cleaning. She is based in Hawaii yet she hosts these webinars time to time.
I have always been a person of affirmations. I always stressed about dreaming right, wishing the right thing, or praying for the right thing. Then I always attracted something almost that but not exactly. OR life just threw me to another corner.
I gave up.
I have never felt this unprotected, unsure, unsuccessful, lost before as I did in the last couple of months. That was like a full stop for me.
It was in that moment I saw Jessica was posting stuff about unbecoming. Like literally surrendering to life instead of trying to control it. Instead of just manifesting what we think is good or right all the time.
That night I saw this post on @mantrasandmiracles about her new course:
Uncertainty, doubt, confusion, loneliness, pain, grief, illness, loss, fear -- these are all doorways to the Divine, sacred thresholds through which we meet the soul, naked of pretense. ⠀⠀ Here our brokenness becomes the offering. ⠀⠀ Here we meet fundamental reality, stripped of our projections and manipulations. ⠀⠀ Our culture does not train us in how to sit in the dark, how to let go, how to let things die. ⠀⠀ It does not teach us to sit with our human suffering, how to see the sacred seed in the dark body of flesh and experience. ⠀⠀ Instead, we're taught neurotic and perpetual forward movement, an obsessive clinging to the light. ⠀⠀ We're taught to fear the dark, the stillness, the silence. We're taught to fear what we don't know. ⠀⠀ We're taught we must always be wanting and becoming more and more and more. ⠀⠀ This cuts us off from the spiritual heart. ⠀⠀ It leaves us anxious, exhausted, numbed-out, and superficial. ⠀⠀ What would it be like to become LESS? To drop our need for more or better? To meet the moment in full surrender to what is? ⠀⠀ UN-BECOMING, a four-week online course, offers an in-depth exploration into the heart of Holy Darkness, the Womb of the Mother. We start on January 23rd.
It is true that our culture our society trains us to such structures that we are so busy working on achieving them. Work hard, get a job, get married, have babies, etc.
Once you break into that structure and realize life is so much more than that you find your self in holy darkness. It is scary. Until you know you are not alone. Until you know what you know.
Even though this is new to me, I now know this discomfort is normal as I train my brain again.
If you are in a place that feels weird, or scary or dark- reach out. You are not alone.