We all have our ups and downs

Living in NY for the past 10 years, as a Turkish native, has not been easy, but totally worth it. 

New York is nothing like how it looks from outside, you would know if you experienced it.

For me the best thing about the city has been the transitional crowd. People of NY are special.  People come here either for a purpose or for a cause. If you want to make it here, you need to have a strong drive. You need to motivate your self every day and every minute. You don't need to move around to get tired of it. The city will drain you where you stand. 

  I realized my worst period in my life was when I was in a gray area. I was not at where I wanted to be. I was stuck. Finally one morning around 4 am, I woke up not being able to breath. I called my father, who was oceans away. As I spoke to him and tried to find comfort in his voice, I changed and went downstairs. I told the doorman to call 911. 

When the ambulance came, I was so afraid that I asked the nurse on the ambulance to please stay with me during my hospital visit and hold my hand. I kept on asking him if I was going to die. Those who experienced any sort of panic attacks, you may know how annoying and weird they can be. 

  A year later, I was on a plane flying from Italy to Turkey with my family. Although I love flying, suddenly I felt my chest was weird and I panicked. Next thing I remember is that my body locked itself. I was paralyzed. I could't speak. I couldn't move move hands. My mom was sitting next to me, she immediately held my hands so they didn't close. She was crying and trying to figure out what the hell was happening. When we landed, ambulance came. 

  Long story short, I knew I could not live with this stupid thing in my life. Especially if I was going to live far away from everyone. 

I kept having major sleep issues, major anxiety attacks at nights. 

After being on depression pills or some sort, I knew I didn't want to be depended on them. And something happened.

I met an angel, aka life coach (no bs-- he was magic!) This guy told me that my night hormones were working during day time, and my day hormones were working during night, so he said, if I ever felt like fight or flight mode, I should just ensure my self that I am safe in my body, and know that it is going to pass. Once I knew what the problem was, I was 80% more comfortable. The second great thing he added to my life was, colors!! Yes, colors. He told me I need to add back those colors to my life like I used to. That summer, when I was at a farmers market in  Bodrum , Turkey with my mom to buy the freshest fruits to make different jams, I saw COLORS. 

You know how sometimes a pie, or a soup will remind you of your grandma, and will bring back those childhood memories, and warm feelings. Jams were also something that always reminded me of home. So when I returned to NYC end of that summer, I decided to get ingredients from the Union Square Farmers Market, and make jams. 

  I was literally producing a ton of jam everyday, that my mom started calling me JAMsu. 

  After a short while, I realized how meditative it was. Like literally, when everything went down, I could still make my jams and keep jamm'in. 

   Soon I realized that every single person in this world needs a PASSION or a HOBBY or a CAREER that they can hold on to and stay alive. Since then my agency business also picked up, and I feel more creative than ever.

   For every person, who's ever fallen down a rabbit hole. And for those out there who haven't... especially for you. 

‚Äč   My only wish is to inspire you with this JAMsu.




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